Creating a whole new paradigm and thinking outside the box are the kinds of corporate phrases that make me shudder to the depth of my being…then vomit. Today, I encountered another such phrase when reading about Kelly Clarkson shelving her upcoming tour due to low ticket sales.
“It is mind blowing when you stop to think about what Kelly Clarkson has achieved during her young career,” said Michael Rapino, CEO of LiveNation. “But ticket sales have not been what we anticipated and we came to the realization that we had bit off more than we could chew. In the end, we are in the Kelly Clarkson business and for that reason we believe that this decision will only benefit her and her fans in the long run.”
“We are in the Kelly Clarkson business.” Ok, no you aren’t. You are in the rape people for way-too-high ticket prices business. At the very least, you are in the pimping Kelly Clarson business. So, just for a moment, try to consider the possibility that some of us reading your statements are not screaming 14-year-old girls with more than just “like whatever” as a staple vocabulary reaction when you blurt out stupid crap like that.
Let’s be clear…what you are trying to tell us is that you priced your tickets too high and thought that Clarkson’s reputation, despite a CD which has been mired in controversy, would compel teenagers to drop a couple weeks’ worth of allowance on her show. That whole “it’s mindblowing to think” what Clarkson has done line is like telling us what a great life we’ve had right before you shoot us in the stomach and make off with our wallet. Many of us are dumb, but we’re not THAT dumb.
This wouldn’t be the first artist in recent times to have shorten or cancel a tour (see Chicks, Dixie), so don’t feed us some bullshit that this is going to benefit her OR her fans in the long run. It won’t benefit either. In the long run, it will cost her money to have to downsize her tour to venues more appropriate for her audience and it will cost fans more to afford tickets in smaller venues or travel to a larger city because their town no longer gets a tour date. Hell, even her staff will be reduced leaving some people out of work and we are betting your company isn’t real thrilled by this either. It’s bad. You know it. We know it. Period.
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It should also be noted that you should never use the phrases “bite off more than we could chew” and “in the end” when talking about a person, a female in particular unless this is about something not necessarily related to music.