Carrying Cathy
February 11th, 2008 by jeff
There is a great Ben Folds song with the same name as the title of this post. It’s about the ex of the singer (I don’t like to assume it is Ben because stories are sometimes just stories and not necessarily formed from personal experience) who was clearly very depressed and was always propped up by her friends and family. They “carried” her a lot of the time because of her depression.
The last verse goes like this:
Her father and brothers were all at the funeral,
Carrying a box through the rain,
And somebody said,
“It’s always been this way.”
Ouch.
Today, I experienced what it is like to carry someone, but not in the metaphorical sense. Today, I picked up my father’s ashes at the funeral home. I submit there are few things weirder than walking down the street back to your vehicle carrying the ashes of a loved one in a box inside a canvas shopping bag.
I don’t really know what words I have to describe how weird that was. All I will say is that, unlike Ben’s Cathy, it has never been this way and I’d prefer never to experience that again.
I am a fan of Ben Folds but can’t recall this song. As someone who has suffered from depression on and off for a long time, this is very moving to me. I wonder how much of a burden I must have been at my low times?
I’m so sorry for your loss Jeff. I can’t imagine…
I thought it was pretty weird at my grandmother’s funeral when I helped load her into the back of the hearse. I had never been a pallbearer before. But then again, everything at a funeral is darkly weird. Everything is different; the people in dark suits, the flowers, the tears — nothing is normal. In strange way all that probably lessens the weirdness of loading someone you love into the back of a fancy station wagon. In a situation that’s all wrong, what’s one more thing?
But getting into your own car just like you have a million times before with a bag of groceries or a backpack full of books — except this time it’s your dad?
Yeah, that’s probably weirder. Hang in there dude.