Lines Guaranteed to Get You Laid…or Shot
June 10th, 2008 by jeff
I was watching The 40-Year-Old Virgin tonight and the main character, upon finally revealing his virginity to his girlfriend said, “All these years I thought there was something wrong with me because it had never happened. But, I realize I was just waiting for you,” or something close to that.
The first time I heard this line, being the incredible romantic that I am, I thought, “Jesus, if that doesn’t get you laid, what will?” Fortunately, Jesus didn’t answer my query because I think he may have said something I didn’t want to hear like, “Perhaps if you watched less tv and stop being a nerd, you would be getting laid instead of asking stupid questions.” Thanks, Jesus. Sheesh.
Anyway, it got me thinking that there must be other lines that are foolproof in acquiring sweet lovin’ from the ladies.
Here are a few suggestions. Please feel free to provide your own.
“I’m not really a stalker. Your life is just more interesting than mine.”
This doesn’t just get you off the hook when the cops show up, it tells the girl that she’s like totally interesting to you. Plus, she’ll see you have plenty of time on your hands for foreplay and chicks dig that.
“Your boobs are two totally different sizes. How interesting.”
It shows her you are very attentive and captivated by her oddly misshapen bosom.
“Those pumps would go great with my foot fetish.”
This just demonstrates how much you have in common…with her feet.
“You have a great head.”
What’s great about this line is that it sounds dirty when, in fact, it is just a compliment about the giant melon on her shoulders. It’s like innuendo without the charm.
“You are really hot. You remind me of this porn star I watch on the internet.”
It’s a nice compliment and now she knows you are interested in sex…and masturbation.
And finally…
“You look so much thinner than you actually are.”
It will confuse her long enough for you to make your move…or run when she starts to beat you with her McDonald’s bag.
Let me know if any of these work for you because, I’m desperate curious.
umm I must disagree with #2 cause “interesting” does not always translate to “awesome” in a girl’s mind.
and sorta with #5 cause unless you’re a few dates in, and/or the girl’s okay with a little freaky right off the get go, talking about your porn watching/masturbation habits is a little off-putting. And also I have to disagree with #6 cause the 2nd half of that sentence pisses me off and makes me feel fat!
My suggestions:
“your boobs are 2 different sizes - perfect because I can never decide between medium and large.”
“you look like you could star in a porn movie”
“you look so much thinner without clothes on/naked”
“you are so gorgeous”
“you’re skin is so soft”
“you are so much smarter than me”
“I will do anything you ask”
“I have the condoms”
@texantiff: I totally respect your thoughts here, however, it has been suggested (by like panels of experts and stuff, not just me and my imaginary friend) that complimenting a woman is the best way to get her to hate you because she believes everything you tell her is a lie, therefore when you say her face makes you sick it really means she looks like a supermodel.
It’s in that Men are from Uranus, Women are from Russia with Love book. Look it up!
As a result, most of your suggestions would only get a man’s face slapped and, unless he likes that sort of thing, it is of little use.
I do like the condoms line because that’s just practical.
OK well I was one of the people that you have the “Men are from Uranus, Women are from Russia with Love” and I told you that being mean only works on younger girls - as we get older we (hopefully) get smarter -
as for lines they never work. Women know they are lines. If we don’t like we go back to our friends and say, “Listen to this cheesy line he just said.” If we do like you (using the same line)we say, “Listen to cute line he just use.” But we do know they are lines.
Of course I like the line from Wedding Crashers best. “Just the tip” or something to that affect
“I’m into relationship-free sex” has always made me go weak in the knees…which may provide another nice benefit for you…
How about, “Hey - aren’t you in my English class?” I seem to remember that working for someone …
Of course, “You smell like nachos” is pretty hot too.
hehe Rebecca gotcha there
well - a guy at work came up with this on today
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