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I’ve been making a lot of lists lately on this blog. I’m kind of a list maker if you hadn’t figured it out. If you are new to me, and I’ve met lots of new people lately, you probably don’t realize that there are things I don’t want to tell you. Oh, I don’t want to deceive you or lie. That’s not my thing. Like most people, I’m just a little uncomfortable with certain aspects of my life and I don’t care to see the blank stares I get when I tell people these things and they realize I’m completely off my rocker.

I try to be myself online and off. I use my real name for pretty much everything and don’t really pretend to be anyone else. For the most part, I like who I am, so why bother pretending to be cooler than I am because, let’s face it, I’m not fooling anybody with that.

It got me to thinking that it may be therapeutic to list the top 10 things I avoid telling people about myself for fear they will turn and run in the other direction as if I just showed them my severed head collection. What? Severed heads are all the rage.

So, here are my craziest things. If you know me fairly well, none of these will shock you. If you don’t, it was nice knowing you.

10. I actually LIKE Houston

This would seem to be pretty stupid except that a lot of people REALLY hate Houston even though they live here. “You can’t tell me you prefer Houston to Austin?” Um, yes I can, actually. And, yes, I like the humidity. I run in it every day. If you think it is crazy, well, I just can’t help you.

9. My age

This really isn’t THAT big of a deal except for the fact that music and technology are dominated by young people. When I walk into a crowd of people at 39 years old, I am likely going to be surrounded by people who, if I had actually HAD sex in high school, could be my children. I don’t think of myself as old and I certainly don’t FEEL old, but there are moments when the song “Hey Nineteen” makes a lot of sense. What, never heard it? You made my point.

8. I’m a musician

I really don’t even know how to address this properly. Yes, music is a huge part of my life. No, it is not how I make a living. Yes, I play in a band. No, it isn’t some hip, young indie band featured on Pitchfork. The very idea of being a musician seems to give the impression that I’m either MUCH cooler than I actually am or that I’m MUCH wilder than I actually am. It’s why I never dated anyone I met at a show where I was performing. If they see me play and think that’s what I’m like, the nerd who occupies my body 99 percent of the time will be a major disappointment.

7. I watch makeover shows like What Not to Wear

This is part one of the “no, I’m not gay” discussion I invariably have to have when meeting someone new. If knowing the difference between a wedge and a kitten heal makes me somehow less manly, I guess I’ll just have to live with that.

6. I like shoes

This would be part two of the “no, I’m not gay” discussion along with the “no, I don’t have a fetish for women’s shoes” conversation. When I say I like shoes, I mean I like men’s shoes that I would buy for myself. I have a DSW card in my wallet and I visit Zappos.com. I don’t buy a ton of clothes, nor do I OFTEN spend money on shoes, but I do have quite a few pair and that’s just fine with me even if it makes me sound like I have a vagina.

5. I am a nerd

Depending on who I’m talking with, this can be a selling point, but mostly the “I watch a lot of Star Trek: Voyager re-runs” description of how nerdy I am is probably just off-putting. Maybe I need to change it to “I spend a lot of time on the internet” but that just sounds like I watch a lot of internet porn, which is not entirely true.

4. I don’t drink much

Somehow, social outcast and non-drinker seem to reside in the same quadrant of human existence. This isn’t to say I won’t drink now and then, but I’m just not a big drinker at all. Sure, I’m a good designated driver, but I’m sort of anti-climactic at a kegger.

3. I work at home

This one I avoid mainly because “I work at home” sounds suspiciously like “I sell herbal viagra out of my garage” or “I film bondage porn in my dungeon basement.” I work at home because it cuts down on overhead and I dig the commute, but I am aware that it sounds like I’m making it up or that it really means I live with my parents.

2. I talk too much when I’m nervous

This has been the bane of my existence since I was a child - an only child, who felt the only way to get attention was to yammer on incessantly about nothing. My speech professor in college nicknamed me “glib” because of my ability to speak about anything, anytime to anyone. As beneficial as that can be, it is also ridiculously embarrassing. Often as I find my mouth running like a freight train with no breaks, my brain is saying things like, “Dude, shut up! Seriously, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” and yet my mouth just seems to ignore it. Now, you see why I can write blogs off the top of my head like this one…oh, Jesus.

1. I have a lot of cats

Besides being part three in the “no, I’m not gay” conversation, this is the big elephant…err…cat in the room, particularly if I’ve just met a woman I think I may like and don’t want her to think I’m the “crazy cat lady.” This also constitutes the magic “if you can deal with this without running in terror, we’re good” item on the list. When my ex-wife and I were married, we took in stray animals. We found homes for MANY of them and I’m fond of saying that my house has a sign on it that says “sucker” that only animals can read. When we divorced, most of the cats stayed with me because I kept the house (i.e. I had the space). I still help people find homes for stray animals. I’m foster caring one right now who needs a home (any takers?). I just don’t like to see anything or anyone suffer. The scariest question always comes next: how many cats do you have?

I have 7.

If you are still reading this realizing that a grown man has seven cats and you don’t think I’m a total freak, well, hey, good for you. You are officially as crazy as I am and I love you for it. But, in my defense, seven cats are FAR easier to take care of than one child and you don’t see me going, “Jesus, you’ve got a BABY? What are you, nuts?” Ok, bad comparison.

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I think my next post will be the top 10 things that I like about myself because this didn’t feel very therapeutic. It was more, what’s the word, sickening.

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