Hair Balls: The City’s War on Facial Hair
July 21st, 2008 by jeff
I wear a beard. Sure, it isn’t mine, but I do wear one. And I like it. Yeah, I said it. Growing up, I had long hair. I liked that too. Ooooh, I’m crazy!
It always bugged me when I read about school districts and other places banning facial hair or long hair (on men). It was always said that it’s “a distraction.” Yeah, well so are boobs on teenage girls, but no one tells them to stop growing them. Ok, maybe a bad example, but “distraction” is the weakest excuse ever. Come up with SOMETHING better. Lice, hair dust bunnies, bad jokes…whatever.
Well, the City of Houston has joined this fray. It should be noted that I am a BIG supporter of police. One of my best and longest-standing clients is the Houston Police Officers’ Union. They are great guys and I wish I had 100 clients just like them. That having been said, I find this pretty damn funny.
Four Houston police officers have brought a lawsuit against the city because of a no-facial hair policy that was put in place in 1993. The city council has unanimously authorized spending up to $150K to support the ban (that’s a lot of beard-trimmers if you ask us). When asked why facial hair had to go, the city responded by claiming smooth faces make officers appear both conservative and professional.
Oy. Here we go. Yes, let’s spend $150,000 to support a ban on facial hair. That’s a brilliant freaking idea. And all because they look more professional and conservative? Seriously?
I’m thinking that the badge, the gun and the uniform make these guys look pretty damn professional and conservative, not to mention serious as a heart attack. Maybe I’m weird (shut up), but I really don’t see how a cop being clean shaven is going to make me take him MORE seriously than I already do. Are criminals going to suddenly think cops don’t mean business? Last time I checked, Chuck Norris had a beard and we all know how badass that guy is.
And I do understand the officers’ concerns here. If you have trouble with sensitive skin, particularly African American men who can get really severe razor burn, growing and maintaining a beard is just freaking easier.
So, c’mon Houston, give the cops a break. Maybe if you spend less on the lawsuit and just let it go, you can afford to put more officers on duty to, you know, help fight crime and stuff.
Yeah, that’s a heck of a lot of money to fight facial hair. Maybe I’m not aware of every last implication of the word, but do you suppose it’s possible to avoid looking conservative in a uniform?
I mean, I guess if the uniform were really, really wrinkled. Maybe they should just spend the money on giving each of the officers a new iron, or a coupon to the Houston Shoe Hospital.